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Conditional Love

Excerpt from The Light: Conditional Love

By Don Miguel Ruiz

This excerpt from The Light: A Book of Wisdom has been taken from Don Miguel Ruiz’s chapter – The Colors of Love.

Isee love as a magnificent spectrum of all the colors of the rainbow. We have hundreds of emotions and each one is an aspect of love, which can be placed somewhere within this beautiful spectrum. By looking at love in this way we conditional lovecan see how we fragment love in order for our mind to understand it.

It is easy to see how we divide love in many different directions by looking at the conditions we impose on love, which equals conditional love. We love our parents, our friends, our children and our partner. We love songs, places and animals. All of these different relationships are only a part of the totality, which is love, but they are not the whole thing. We distort everything we perceive and because of this we do not clearly see the different aspects of love.

When we merge all the radiant colors of the rainbow together the result is white Light. And in the same way, when all the different aspects of love are combined, the result is Truth. It contains everything. So how can we experience the fullness of love?

We cannot understand or experience what love is until we reveal what love is not. I see this as knowing the difference between conditional love and unconditional love. Conditions begin at an early age. When we are children we want to be like the adults and from them we perceive what they believe about love. This is the beginning of our understanding and experience of love being fragmented because of early influences. We witness all the dramas that our parents, our friends and our brothers and sisters create about love. But this is not really love in the highest sense. Children play, pretending to be adults and they can hardly wait to grow older just to be like everyone else. I remember pretending to be a medical doctor. Children usually have such a beautiful smile, but as soon as I pretended to be a medical doctor my face changed right away and became very serious. Back then I was only pretending but when I grew up and became a medical doctor my face really did change that way.

It is the same thing with all that romantic love. We see our brothers or sisters falling in love and dating and we wish to become older so we can do the same thing. However, we also see all the dramas, the broken hearts and the consequences of those broken hearts. They say, “Look at what he did to me?” They tell all their friends and everyone knows how much they are suffering. We learn that romantic love hurts. Then we finally grow up and we start dating and falling in love and because of this limiting belief we become like everyone else, distorting love and engaging in conditional love. We follow the rules we were taught, that love should be this way, a man should be this way, a woman should be that way and we believe that this is love. But it is not true. We try to control the other person but that is not love either; it is exactly the opposite. We try to make our loved one the way we want them to be, we grow jealous, possessive and we create a huge drama. If they are not the way we want them to be we say they have broken our heart because love hurts, doesn’t it?

Ninety-nine percent of people only engage and feel conditional love. Everybody believes the way they feel is the way everyone should feel, however this is a great untruth. In the same way, you defend your truth and you think this is right and everybody else is wrong. But there are seven billion people in this world who all believe they are right. It is the same when it comes to love. We believe that what we feel is really love, but it is not. This form of conditional love is very selfish. We look for love, but in a very conditional way because it has to be the way we want it to be. We have Gods for everything. We have a God of the thunder, a God of the sun, a God of the rivers, the lakes and the oceans. We even have the God and Goddess of love and we really believe they exist. However, that God or Goddess represents human sacrifice. Nowadays, we sacrifice in the name of love. You can probably see how many times you have sacrificed yourself in the name of love or how many times you have sacrificed somebody else in the name of love. This is clearly a tainted version of love.

To read the rest of Don Miguel Ruiz’s chapter, plus chapters by 21 other luminaries, then click here to purchase the book.

donmiguelruiz2BIO: Don Miguel Ruiz was born into a humble family with ancient traditions in rural Mexico. His parents and grandfather believed he would continue their legacy in the Toltec tradition. Instead he attended medical school and became a surgeon. A near fatal car accident changed the direction of Don Miguel’s life when he experienced himself as pure awareness. He realized that the Toltec wisdom of his family contained all of the tools needed to change the human mind and he returned to his mother to finish his training and become a Shaman. Soon after Don Miguel wrote The Four Agreements, which was a New York Times bestseller for more than seven years. For more information about Don Miguel, log on to



by Keidi

January 21st, 2014


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